Doing what works

I recently considered the possibility of going back to work. Now, all you SAHMs out there, don't get all hot-headed and bitchy with your "raising children IS work" argument. Sure it's work, but not the salary kind I'm thinking about.

But after some serious thinking following my initial interview, I called to cancel the second interview. In my pros/cons lists, the side came out nearly even, not nearly enough to ditch the tan, buy a car and go suit shopping.

Here's what I learned in my silent deliberations.

• Buying a car would be almost a necessity. That means a car payment, insurance, gas and the probability I'll actually use this car (unlike the clunker sans working air we currently own which I avoid at nearly all costs) meaning more money on gas. This wouldn't be very Mothering Earth-like behavior.

• Homecooking would take a backseat to sleep. Cooking good, wholesome, inexpensive meals at home is time consuming. In fact, when I went on the interview I called my husband and asked about lunch. He asked if I could just pick up Taco Bell. Taco Bell?! I haven't eaten this kind of low-grade food in months. It was delicious, but I had to run an extra mile just to justify it.

• Speaking of running, that would be the end of that. Again, sleep has to take priority. I run in the morning when everybody's home. I can't very well go for a run at night when the girls are in bed before Steve gets home. And darn it all if I don't want to spend at least 30 minutes with my spouse everyday.

• Childcare. This is a biggie. I'm not opposed to childcare, but it's expensive and it really goes against this whole simple life we've concocted for ourselves. One more year before my oldest starts kindergarten and then it's all over but the teen-age angst.

• All the little things. The line drying. The garden. The homemade cleaning products. These are the products of a person focusing on the home. I realize it would be nice to communicate with adults on issues unrelated to potty training, but potty training will come and go. Jobs will come again. This simple life of using less, wanting less and loving almost every minute of it, this could come and go.

But I'm going to hang on as long as I can.